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By Lauri Apple, Gawker

As the first week of the #occupywallstreet protest against corporate stuff draws to a close, some classy capitalists have decided to dust off their favorite Nixon-era jargon and hold a champagne-soaked counter-protest of their own. Free laxative-enriched muffins for all “hippies,” LOL.

A “pro-business Democrat” tipster sent us some screenshots of the Facebook event page for today’s corporate counter-protest, titled “Anti Hippy Protester Champagne Toast on Wall Street.” It starts at 4 PM—a full hour before the work day officially ends! Don’t these hard-working realists have jobs or something? Well, maybe yes, maybe no—but the hippies most definitely aren’t employed, and by choice! So let’s focus on how lazy they are.

Under the “More Info” heading is more info, written in some sort of odd rich-people English:

“Let’s toast to all the jobless hippies protesting on wall street and the enitre financial distric about god knows what. They have shown vallient effort and even though we hate them lets give them a free shower! (they havent showered in weeks) So… Tomorrow at 4pm we will be having a byob champagne toast/shower to welcome all the protesters and bathe them in good riddence.”

Good Riddence, in case you’re wondering, is a brand of high-end champagne. That said, wouldn’t a true aristocrat supply all the party refreshments for their guests? Perhaps the organizer is just another wealthy-person wannabe with poor etiquette, or simply doesn’t want to seem too socialist. Then again, he is baking for the special occasion! In a comment to his own events page, he writes:

These guys are so pathetic and it was awesome watching them get dragged around and whooped by cops. Hey dumb non tax paying hippies.. You are costing people who actually have jobs more money by making 400 extra police occupy lower manhattan for two weeks … Can’t wait to see you Guys tomorrow – I’ll be the guy handing out hippie muffins for free with laxatives baked in so after you shit yourselves uncontrollably we will spray you with champagne like we won a championship game. Only if you haven’t been arrested for being a duche before that”

Pretty sure the protesters did not ask for all those cops to hang out with them, guy! Also pretty sure that treating the abuse of other humans is way more pathetic than eating pizza, wearing masks and protesting corporate hegemony. But maybe I’ve been liberal-blogging from my mom’s basement for too long.

And as for those muffins: Not gonna touch that one. [Thanks to our pro-business tipster!]

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